A little thing known as G-tube

Many of you know that our son, Landon, who turned 2 in March was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis through the newborn screening test.  The last 2 years have been such a learning experience for me.  I've seen myself grow in so many ways as I learn to fight for him.  A debate that's been going for at least the last 18 months has been whether or not to get Landon a G-tube(feeding tube).  While I admit I had my reservations when the topic was first brought up, my feelings have definitely changed.  I'll give you the back story at a later date so you'll know how we came to this point, but as of tomorrow the debate will be over.  Landon will be having surgery at 2pm tomorrow to have the G-tube put in.  We were admitted into Texas Children's Hospital on Monday to begin IV antibiotics to insure that Landon wasn't sick in any way so the surgery would not be delayed.  Since the decision was made to proceed with the G-tube, I've been very calm about it, but as tomorrow approaches, I continue to grow anxious.

I know this is the right decision for Landon to give him the best chance possible to beat this disease, but my anxiety is all selfish.  I worry about leaving Landon in the care of someone else while I work and having to trust them to do everything correctly if a tube feeding is necessary while they have him. ( I should let you know that I've become a bit of a control freak when it comes to Landon's care, just ask Justin)  I worry that he'll pull on the button & hurt himself or worse that I'll be doing something to clean it or feed him and end up hurting him.  I worry that I won't be able to handle it.  I worry that people will look at Landon as if he is a sick child or weak (if you've met him you know that nothing keeps this boy down) and pity him.  I worry that I won't treat him the same as I would any other kid.  And most of all, I worry that this is the beginning of the end for him.  For those who don't know, Cystic Fibrosis(CF) is a life threatening disease and the current average life span is 37 years.  All these worries and not once this week have I sat down and prayed about the situation or studied God's Word.  This is a daily struggle for me, but with all that's going on, this is the first thing I should have done.  Tonight, I sat down to read some verses that I should have all memorized considering how much of a worry wart I am, yet I don't.  Here are a few that helped calm my fears & nervousness.

Philippians 4:6-7 - "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Hebrews 13:6 - "...The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid..."

Matthew 6:34 - "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own."

God,

Thank you so much for giving us Landon.  There are so many times I wonder why you chose us to be his parents.  I'm not the smartest person, I don't know all the medical jargon, I don't understand insurance companies or how the body works and why exactly Landon's doesn't work properly.  What I do know is that you wouldn't have chosen me if I wouldn't be able to handle it.  I know that you have something so special for this little boy.  I know that we are fortunate enough to be in the Houston area and be around such knowledgeable people that I don't have to understand everything.  I know that you love me and that it hurts you when I don't lean on you for support.  Forgive me for not seeking your peace sooner.  Help me to sleep tonight so I can be fresh tomorrow for whatever it holds.  Put people in my path tomorrow that I can minister to rather than focusing on my own concerns.  Last, but not least, be with Landon tomorrow.  I don't know how to explain to him what is happening to him tomorrow and I don't want him to be scared when he wakes up from surgery.  Show me how to put away my worries and be the mommy that Landon needs me to be.  Let this little song I learned long ago from Psalty be on my heart & mind all day tomorrow.

"I cast all my cares upon you.  I lay all of my burdens down at Your feet.  And anytime, I don't know what to do.  I will cast all my cares upon you."

I love you Jesus!!
Amen